Interview with the Stars
by JethroSan
Summary: Interview with Death Note characters and other random crap...please read....very funny.....If I don't get more reviews...i might end up taking it off cuz i dont know if you like it. please let me know!
1. Chapter 1

This is just a random story me and my amiga, cassy, put together…

This is just a random story me and my amiga, cassy, put together…..I do not own any of the characters in this fanfic, and believe me, there are many! At first it seems like Death Note, but it changes in the next chapters. Hope you enjoy and please review!  (And don't ask what category this falls under or what anime, cuz there's a variety of characters and it really has no plot)

Jethro: Hello everybody and welcome to our new show!!

Cassy: (whispers) You forgot to announce the name……Idiot……

Jethro: Oh, shit! Um…..I mean…..Welcome to Interview with the Stars!! thumbs up to audience

Ollie: Today's guests are characters from Death Note!!

(Audience applauds…..nobody walks on stage)

(Long silence)

Cassy: (whispers to Jethro) Where are they?? I thought you said they were here!

Jethro: They're supposed to be……..

(L appears on stage)

L: What is the point of this?

Jethro: Because we are teens and we're bored…..AND YOU'RE LATE!!

L:...Hmmm….I see…..

Cassy: You don't see the point, do you?

L: Hmmm…..nope, not really……..

Cassy: Oh well, who cares! You're the hottest guy on the planet!!

L: um…..thanks…..I think.

Jethro: Cassy, that's enough!

Cassy: Sorry……but I can't help the fact that he's hot! nosebleed

(Enter: Light)

Light: Stop talking about how "hot" L is! I can't stand it! The fan girls, the rumors, his posture! I can't take it any longer!

L: …..Then leave…..

Jethro: Someone sure is PMSing…..

Light: (to L) You just wait til I find out your real name! I'll get you! Your precious fan girls will all come to me!!(Funky laughter that he normally does after something evil)

L: (doesn't seem to notice) Can someone bring me a cookie?

Light: Enough with the sweets! You should be fat! You eat sweets nonstop, how can you not be fat!!

Jethro: smacks Light Enough! This is not a fucking rant, this is an interview! I will not tolerate your selfish, violent, and chaotic behavior! Now sit down and shut the hell up!

(Light sits)

(Mello walks on stage and pops up behind Jethro)

Mello: Feisty (bites chocolate bar) Mello likes….

Jethro: jumps aren't you gay?!

Mello: I swing both ways. (Winks at Cassy)

Cassy: GIRLY MAN WINKED AT ME!! THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!!

Jethro: This is not a comedic dating show! This is an interview! Seethes

Mello: You're really rude (winks) I like that!

Jethro: (slaps Mello) Enough! Stop messing around! If you don't stop pestering me I'll lock you in a broom closet!

Ollie: How come I don't appear in this story much?

Jethro: Sorry….this story has too many characters and I forget.

(Ollie cries in corner)

Mello: You made her cry….You're my kind of woman! (Munches on chocolate bar)

Light: (Slaps Mello with Death Note)

Kaitlin: Hasn't Mello been slapped enough?

Everyone but Kaitlin and Mello: NO!!

(Near walks on stage)

Near: When do I get to be L?

L: Do I look dead to you?!

Light: No….but that can be arranged.

Jethro: There will be no murder on my show! No all of you sit down and shut the hell up!

L: So…is someone gonna bring me a cookie?

Mello: If you let me be the next "L" you can have my chocolate bar.

Ollie: Oooh…What kind of chocolate? I want some!

Mello: German.

Ollie: (attacks Mello attempting to get chocolate)

Mello: (Girly scream) Get the crazy lady off of me!!

Matt: (enters and points loaded gun at Ollie's head) Get off my man!

Mello: (clings to Matt) I love you! I'll give you all my chocolate!

Ollie: (climbs off Mello) Party-poopers.

L: Now that the insanity is over….Can we get on with the interview? (looks bored)

Cassy: (whispers to L) perk up or you don't get my homemade chocolate cookies or the specially-made strawberry cake.

Near: (Starts playing with transformer toys)

Jethro: (sits and plays with Near's hair)

Near: Shouldn't you calm the others down?

(Cassy beating on Matt and Mello in the background)

Cassy: Matt! You are WAY to hot to be gay!!

Light: (whimpers) Why don't I have any fan girls??

Misa: (walks on stage clad in "I 3 Light" clothes) I'm your fan girl!!

Light: (screams and runs) Oh Dear God!! Satan! RYUK!!(Falls flat on face)

Jethro: Nah….they can handle it themselves (continues to play with Near's hair)

Kaitlin: (nurses Mello's wounds) Poor baby! I'd never do that to you!!

Matt: (with large bruises) Don't worry….he likes the pain.

Mello: (Nods shakily) I like 'em rough!!

Kaitlin: (blinks) Cassy, mind beating these two to a bloody pulp again?

Cassy: (Cries in corner from Mello's affection) beb-but! I want L! Not that freak!

Ollie: (appears out of nowhere) I'll take him and his chocolate!

L: (kicks Ollie) Shut up. (Steals Mello's chocolate and munches)

Jethro: Okay……and that's today's episode! See you soon!


	2. Chapter 2

Once again I do not own any of the characters in this fanfic (although I wouldn't mind owning Near)

Once again I do not own any of the characters in this fanfic (although I wouldn't mind owning Near). Lay off Near! He's mine you crazy fiends! DOCTOR OCTOGONAPUS-BLAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!! Lawl! I lovers you all! My world is filled with total randomness! Lovers!

Jethro: Hello and welcome back to Interview with the Stars! Today we have brought back the cast of Death Note!

(Screams are heard from crowd)

Cassy: seethes DON'T YOU DARE SCREAM OVER MY L!! LAY OFF!!

Mariah: Oh no you didn't! He is totally mine so back off!

Cassy: You skanky whore! You wanna go? Bring it!

Jethro: If you're happy and you know it blow you're nose! If you're happy and you know it blow you're nose! If you're happy and you know it and you're face ca-

Cassy & Mariah: Shut up!!

(Jethro sobs in corner)

(Enter: Near)

Jethro: NEAR!! I MISSED YOU!! THEY'RE BEING MEAN TO ME!!(runs to Near)

Near: ummm….hi Jethro……

Jethro: sits and plays with Near's hair

Meanwhile Cassy & Mariah's fight ensues…………..5 minutes later…..

(Cassy and Mariah in lump on floor)

Near: Jethro, I know you like me and all but will you not braid my hair or put ponytails in…NO PIGTAILS EITHER!!

Jethro: Sorry, Sorry. May I see Optimus Prime?

Near: No, he's my lunch.

Jethro: (backs away slowly) Erm…Okay….Sorry.(claps) Alrighty then, lets get on with the interview!! L you first!

L: Do I get strawberry cake?

Mello: Shut up and answer the questions so I can talk to the pretty ladies!

Kaitlin: Oh my God!! He's so talking about me!

Mello: …..ummm…sure…coughs cassy & Jethro coughs

Jethro: (looking uncomfortable) So, L, describe your perfect girl.

Girl from audience: Oooh! Me!! Mariah's L's perfect girl!!Meeeee!!

Cassy: (growls at Mariah) Shut up and sit down! I already told you he's mine!!

Mariah: (stomps up to stage) I dare you to day that again!! (slaps cassy)

Cassy: (slaps back) (another fight ensues)

Jethro: (glances over) L, we're waiting for your answer.

L: Someone calm, docile, mature, to counteract my childish personality. Oh, and she has to bake sweets too!!

(Every girl in audience rises up and stampedes L)

Jethro: Okay! Mello! You're next! (evil smile) Who's on top? Matt or you?

Mello: (blushes) sometimes Matt Sometimes me….WAIT A MINUTE! Isn't that kinda personal?? I do like women too!!

Ollie: (all but forgotten until now) (jumps on Mello) CHOCOLATE!!

Mello: OH DEAR GOD!! (runs away with Ollie clinging to him)

Jethro: Near, you're up next….I guess….What do you like to eat??

Near: Optimus Prime, McDonalds toys, and for dessert, My Little Ponies.

Jethro: GAWD UR CEWT!! (Glomps Near)

Near: (remains calm and munches on optimus prime)

Cassy: Seeing as Jethro is indisposed, I'll be taking over the interrogation (cough) I mean interview…

Cassy: Matt! What's your favorite videogame?

Matt: You're asking me to choose!? Ummm….Maybe Guild Wars?

Cassy: (twitch) You have a……Guild Wars……account??

Matt: Maybe….Why?

Cassy: No reason (cough) just to stalk you (cough) My favorite character I play is Yuuhi Hana. What's your character's name?

Matt: I'm not telling you…

Cassy: Okay! Ryuk! How're you doin old buddy?

Ryuk: (waves to audience) Hello, Cassy. I am well.

Cassy: Ryuk, everyone knows your favorite fruit is apples, but what's your favorite beverage?

Ryuk: Sapporo beer. Ramune is nice also, but I prefer beer.

Cassy: (snaps open two beers) Hooray for the new drinking buddy!

Ryuk: Hyuk! Hyuk!

Light: Hey!! Don't steal my shinigami!!

Mello: pops up behind Jethro (currently braiding Near's hair) You really should stop them babe.

Jethro: Call me babe one more time and I'll lock you in a broom closet and swallow the key!!

Mello: You're sexy when you're upset, babe.

Jethro: (slaps Mello with microphone stand) Cassy! Help me lock him away!

Cassy: but he scares me!

Mello: (winks at Cassy)

Cassy: (cowers in corner) Lord of Pocky and Ramen, HELP ME!!

Jethro: Okay! I'm sick of this so that's the end of today's show! Tune in next week for whatever the hell we throw at ya!! DOCTOR OCTOGONAPUS-BLAAAAAAAARG!!


	3. Cast Party

Hey guys…

Hey guys…..I'm back with more! Sorry I promised an update but I couldn't get around to it. But here it is…..hope you enjoy! (I do not own any characters from Death Note or any other manga characters in this show).

(All walk on stage; Mello tries to hold Cassy and Jethro around the shoulders.)

Mello: GYAAAAAAH!! (goes flying across the stage)

Cassy: (evil snicker)

Kaitlin: Why do you have to be so mean to him?!

L: CAKE!!WHERE'S MY CAKE?! I was promised cake!!

Mariah: (with strawberry frosting on her face) Um…..oops?

L: (huddles with his arms around his knees) Kill me please…

Light: (Pulls out his death note) Mind telling me your last name?

L: (glares at Light) Not literally!

Light: (pouts) Party pooper.

Cassy: Anyone seen Ollie? I got pocky for her…

Mello: (turns around) clinging to my ass.

Ollie: PAWKY!!

Cassy:……um….I guess it's the cast party now…..Where's the open bar?

Jethro: Umm……Cassy, you were supposed to book that.

Cassy: Oh shit! Um, someone get me a phonebook.

Mello: (hands phonebook to Cassy) Here you go sweetheart.

Cassy: (Not paying attention) Thank you, dear.

Mello: (grins and walks off to pester Jethro)

Cassy: (talking on the phone; suddenly realizes what Mello said. Gives Mello evil glare)

Mello: Brrr……Chills all of a sudden.

Jethro: (sing-song voice) She's gonna KILL you!

Near: I'd be surprised if she did. He's surprisingly hard to kill.

All: ……You've tried?!

Mello: So that's what all the traps around Wammy's House were!!

Near: Yes, so what?

Cassy: (Slams receiver in phone cradle) Back to the original conversation…

Mello: (tugs at shirt collar) umm…..I'm gonna go, uh, o-outsise. I-I need s-some air…

Cassy: Not kill. (smiles innocently) Mello, mind coming to the closet with me?

Mello: SURE!

Cassy: (drags Mello to closet. Suddenly girly screams are heard)

Mariah: HEY!! WHY AM I FORGOTTEN!?

Near and Jethro: L doesn't love you, so nobody cares about you anymore.

Mariah: (cries in corner)

Takki: Good show everybody!

Misa: (attacks Takki) STAY AWAY FROM MY LIGHT!!

Mello: (walks out of closet)

Near: Oh my, I knew it, but I never thought you'd be so open about it!

Jethro: How'd she get you to dress like that?

Mello: I hate dressing in drag!!

Cassy: Awww….But you look so CEWT dressed as Misa!

Mello: (blushes) N-no I don't!

Matt: Mmm….Smexy Mello. I call top tonight (grabs Mello around the waist)

Cassy: (blushing) I'm a yaoi fan, but I sooo didn't need to see that!

Jethro: Mello, you never did tell me how you were forced to dress like that.

Mello: (whimpers) I don't want to say…


End file.
